Holiday Cards

Monday, December 11, 2017

Christmas Parrot

A woman is looking for a Christmas present for her husband. She walks by a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. A tag on the cage says $50. “Why so little?” she asks. The store manager says, “This bird used to live in a house of prostitution. It has kind of a vulgar mouth.” The woman decides to buy the parrot anyway. She brings the parrot home and puts his cage near the Christmas tree. First thing the bird says is, “New house, new madam.” She's a little shocked but figures that’s not so bad. When her two daughters get home from school, the bird sees them and says, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The woman is surprised, but she figures the parrot will straighten out once it figures out who everybody is. A little while later, the woman’s husband, Frank, comes home from work. As he walks in the door, the bird says: “Hi Frank.”

Friday, December 8, 2017

Snow in Mississippi: Good-Ole-Boy tries to build Politically Correct Snow-Person

Guess what?  This good ole southern boy woke this morning to a rare and early White Christmas.  Seems that millions of snowflakes have invaded Trump Country.  Well the family and I wanted to show our traditional southern hospitality to these infrequent visitors to the Magnolia State.  So as not to offend our guest instead of building a Snowman we did the politically correct thing and make a Snow-Person.  However, just when we thought our 'labor of love' was complete, an astute observer pointed out the snow-person was all white.  Forcing one of our group to make a quick trip to the local hardware store to get a can of black spray paint.  After coloring one part of our PC snow-person black (being a polite son of the south) I will not say what section was blessed with this honor, another member of the family pointed out the long carrot nose informing all that this would offend any Muslim members of our community who happened by.  We quickly whacked off part of the offending appendage.  About this time an old-timer from down the street wondered by and as most men of his age often do came over to admire our work of art.  We explained our grand effort to build a snowman that would not trigger an adverse reaction from those viewing our master piece.  This prompted the old man to reply: "what you-all gonna do when the sun comes out?"  "The snow will begin to melt and some illegal alien will accuse you of making fun of 'Wet-backs'!"  We tore the damn thing down.  Then raised the 'Stars and Bars' to the sound of Dixie coming from our boom-boxes!  
Cross posted at TOTUS

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