Off with his Ding-a-Ling

King Arthur was getting ready to go to the Holy Crusades. He was worried about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those knights of the Round Table. So he went to his wizard, Merlin, for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something.

A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. 'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

'Merlin, you are a genius!' said the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.' After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out for the Crusades.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their armor for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Lancelot.

'Sir Lancelot,' exclaimed King Arthur, 'The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'

Sir Lancelot was speechless...