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Saturday, April 29, 2017

20 Gorgeous Girls on Bikes

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! 

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley. He managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! 

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his dick and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY 

 When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.
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A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She boldly proclaims, "I want to join your club." The guy is amused and decides to humor her a bit, so he says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. 

The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?" The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table. The biker then asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, "Yep, I smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." 

The biker is very impressed and asks, "You sound like one bad Mama. Tell me, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."


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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. 

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. 

 So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?" The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
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DRUNKEN BIKER 
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy biker bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw one of the bikers stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, try his keys on five different bikes before he found his. Then, sat on the bike fumbling around several minutes, looking as if he might pass out right there. Everyone left the bar and rode off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the biker, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The biker replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy.
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A biker's greatest achievement was his brood of six kids. He was so proud that he continually called his wife: Mother of Six, which pissed her off a lot. But he kept referring to her as Mother of Six no matter where they went. At end of a poker run, he shouted across the bar, "Hey, Mother of Six, you ready to go home?" His irritated wife screamed back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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There's a guy sitting at a biker bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making biker steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The biker says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."
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