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Sunday, April 30, 2017

A Horse's Tail and Cowgirls

A farmer purchases a cute little filly for the purpose of racing her in the next season. When he gets the filly home, his old stallion smells her and wants her and starts kicking up dust. The farmer doesn't want her to get knocked up, because she won't be able to race, so he calls the vet. The vet tells him to tie a bed sheet around the filly's rump to keep the stallion away. So, the farmer does just that. The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's farm, where he sees the neighbor's son out by their barn. "Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bed sheet tied around her rump?" the farmer asks. The boy replies, "No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out her butt!
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Cowboy relates the his previous night in the saloon to his buddies in the bunk house. "Boy did I have a great time last night at the Longbranch. You know that Sue Ann? After her the rest is kind of fuzzy, but I do recall coming of the the saloon after midnight and finding ole Sam, my horse, at the hitching rail. Some S.O.B. had cut off his head and I had to ride with my hand down his windpipe all the way back to the ranch." The hands in the bunkhouse burst out laughing!
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One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.  He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.  On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.  Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?" "Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope"  .She slides her hands further down and gasps.  "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks."Honey, them's my knots", he answers.  Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute". Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?" "No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!" 




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A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters, though." 
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