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Saturday, July 1, 2017

Honey What's for Dinner?


Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. 

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." 

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" 

No response. 

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Rhonda, what's for dinner?" Still no response. 

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. 

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.. 

So he walks right up behind her. "Rhonda, what's for dinner?" 

"For the FIFTH time Fred, CHICKEN!!"
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DON'T KNOW WHAT'S FOR DINNER,
BUT DAMN SURE KNOW WHAT'S FOR DESSERT!
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The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were ‘protecting’. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job–if he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. 

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. 

The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. 

The mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.” The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?” The deaf replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The hood pulls out a .38 pistol and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “NOW ask him where da money is.” The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?” 

The deaf man signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate.” The hood asks the interpreter, 

“What did he say?” 

The interpreter quickly says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about and doesn’t think you have the guts to pull the trigger!”
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