Saturday, August 5, 2017

Pet ownership causes global warming and non-human slavery

Do you get that warm feeling when you see a puppy or kitten in the window? Well, that warm feeling is another danger that California tries to control before it heats up the climate even more. Yes, according to UCLA, your dogs and cats play a significant role in causing global warming due to the catastrophic energy consumption required to grow, manufacture, and package pet food.

In light of these findings, Gov. Jerry Brown of California is pushing for a legislation that will introduce pet tax, limit the number of pets allowed per citizen, and pay for a breeding program designed to create gerbil-sized dogs and cats that can live on a vegan diet.

However, scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center say that Gov. Brown's plan is only a half-measure that doesn't address the problem's ominous root causes. According to KMTC researchers, there are more sinister aspects to the archaic pet ownership system, which is part of a global conspiracy by the ruling classes to further oppress the downtrodden by suggesting behavioral models in which the pet/owner relationship appears to be normal and natural. In fact, it is anything but.

The ugly truth is, pets are non-human slaves. A recent KMTC study has found that the struggle to end pet ownership is the new civil rights movement of today. Another peer-reviewed study has not only confirmed the first study, but also discovered that anyone who disagrees with these findings is a latent racist and, by implication, a slavery denier.

Following are a few tips for those willing to be on the forefront of progress.

  • Raise awareness by wearing special awareness ribbons* and participating in our million-person rallies and marches.
  • Don't miss an opportunity to stop every pet owner you meet in the street and accuse him of being a racist and a degenerate slave owner.
  • Discuss it with your neighbors, coworkers, and family members who may or may not have pets, especially during Thanksgiving or Christmas parties, in the midst of a cheerful conversation over a cup of hot cocoa.
  • And last but not least, contact your congressperson demanding to ban pet ownership and to create a government agency to combat pet trafficking across national borders and state lines. Thanks to The People's Cube
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