Talking Animals

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Old Friend sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Old Friend: "Dog no talk." 

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Old Friend: extreme look of shock 

Cowboy: " Is this man your owner?" pointing at Old Friend. Dog: "Yep" 

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Old Friend: look of disbelief. 

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Old Friend: "Horse no talk." 

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Old Friend: extreme look of shock

Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Old Friend. Horse: "Yep" 

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Old Friend: total look of amazement 

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Old Friend: "Sheep Lie." 

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The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. 

"Howdy, stranger..." 
"Howdy, Sheriff..." 

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. 

"Hold on there, Mister..." 
"Sheriff?" "Did I just see what I think I just saw?" 

"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..." 

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked." 

Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em.

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