Jokes about NYT Editors

Did you hear about the NY Times editor who froze to death in a drive-in movie? She went to see "Closed for the Winter." 

Why did the NY Times editor have only 3 children? She heard that every fourth child born is Chinese. 

Another power outage hit New York: twelve NY Times editors were stuck on an escalator overnight. 

A NY Times editor was shopping at a Target Store with Michelle Obama. They came across a thermos, in shiny silver, much like the dress Harvey Weinstein put Michelle in when he had her appear on the Oscars broadcast. Both were fascinated by it. They picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold." Excited, the NY Times editor bought it for Michelle, saying how nicely it would match her dress. The next day, Michelle showed it to Barack, who asked. “What do you have there?" Michelle said, "It’s a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Barack asked, "What do you have in it?" Michelle replied, "Two Popsicles and some coffee.” Barack’s eyes lit up: “Can I have a popsicle?” 

A man entered the subway with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a NY Times editor. The puzzled NY Times editor kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. She asked him what was in his pockets. The man said, “Who are you, Jimmy Kimmel?” The NY Times editor chuckled, “No. But we do look alike. Come on: what do you have in your pocket?” “I have golf balls,” the man answered. The NY Times editor looked at him with sudden concern and asked, “"Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow?" 

A young man wanted to get his NY Times editor wife a gift for their first wedding anniversary. So he bought her a new iPhone8. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. She was excited, and loved the phone. The next day the husband called her while she was out shopping: "How do you like your new phone?" She replied, "I love it! Hey – how’d you know I was at the mall?” 

Two NY Times editors were sitting outside one evening, talking. One says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away: Florida or the moon?" The other NY Times editor looks at the sky and says: “Are you joking? I mean, you can you see the moon." 

A NY Times editor pushed her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic that it died on her. After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What was wrong?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "Really? How often do I have to do that?" 

A police officer stops a NY Times editor for speeding and asks her if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you cops would get your act together. Last month you guys took away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you?!" 

A NY Times editor out for a walk at the East River. She spots another NY Times editor on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second NY Times editor looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You are on the other side." 

A NY Times editor fell down a flight of stairs. Now, it hurts wherever she touches herself on her body. She is on an Obamacare plan, and she managed to get appointments with three different Obamacare providers to discovery why it is it hurts so much wherever she touches herself on her body. Despite a battery of expensive tests and examinations, none of them had an answer for her. Finally, she paid cash to see a doctor out of the Obamacare network. She tells the doctor, of her malady. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The editor pushes on her left breast and screams. Then she pushed her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams. Then she pushed on her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touched herself made her scream. The doctor curiously examined her finger, immediately discovering it was broken. 

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the NY Times editor behind the wheel knitting as she was driving. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the NY Times editor yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" 

A Russian, an American, and a NY Times editor were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The NY Times editor said, "So what? I predict the NFL is going to be the first to land on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun - you'd burn up!" The NY Times editor replied, “NFL astronauts won't be stupid: they’d be going at night." 

A NY Times editor was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?" 

A woman wrote a NY Times editor was covering a story about the NYPD’s two new watchdogs. Back at the office, she realized she forgot the name of the two dogs. So she fudged her headline: “Working the NYPD K9 shift with Timex and Casio.”  Thanks to The People's Cube

********************

SEE MY LATEST COMPILATION OF THUMBNAILS 

BY CLICKING ON ABOVE IMAGE OR JUST FOLLOW THIS LINK.

THIS OLE FART IS GETTING TIRED, VERY TIRED.  

RECENTLY HAD ANOTHER IN A LONG LINE OF BIRTHDAYS.  

WON'T TELL YOU HOW OLD I AM, 

BUT WAS BORN IN THE SAME YEAR GERMANY INVADED POLAND IN WWII!

Jokes and Best Boobies

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

 ********************

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

******************** 

See the BEST DAMN BOOBIES  at my Guns and Bikinis site!

Just some Hot Babes

After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. 

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable – an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. 

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. 

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" 

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."

******************** 

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one. 

Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den. 

The man starts screaming, "HELP!! HELP!!!" 

Suddenly a lion pounces on him from behind and whispers in his ear, "If you don't shut up you're going to get us both fired."

******************** 

Pecker Jokes and More

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. 

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. 

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00 ( 3 cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

********************

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. 

The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. 

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

******************** 

NOW REALLY BILL, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT! 
WOULD MONICA VOUCH FOR THAT?

WOW. I'M LOOKING AT YOUR CREDENTIALS!

WHO ARE THE BIGGEST LIARS?  TEXANS OR FISHERMEN!

Jokes, Cartoons, and Babes

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. 

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. 

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. 

The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word. 

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" 

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

********************

You know what they say about Redheads

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. 

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50. 

The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". 

The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet". 

So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money". 

"Well, so did I", said the blonde, "but I never thought he'd jump again!"

********************

More sexy babes from Guns and Bikinis