Beans Banned in Texas

FLOWING A COMPREHENSIVE 5 YEAR LONG STUDY, FUNDED BY THE EPA, THE STATE OF TEXAS HAS BANNED THE SALE OF BEANS.  LEADING SCIENTIST AT SAM HOUSTON INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY (S.H.I.T.), HAVE CONCLUDED THAT "BEAN EATERS" EMIT  SUBSTANTIALLY MORE HARMFUL GREEN HOUSE GASES IN THE FORM OF FLAGELLANTS INTO THE ATMOSPHERE THAN NON-BEAN EATERS.  THE TEXAS GOVERNOR, HAS ORDERED SOME 10,000 NATIONAL GUARDSMEN TO THE SOUTHERN BORDER WITH MEXICO TO INTERDICT THE SMUGGLING OF  ILLEGAL BEANS INTO THE STATE.   THE GUARD AS ALSO BEEN ORDERED TO PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THOSE UNWANTED VISITORS FROM THE SOUTH THAT POSSESS WHAT THE GOVERNOR CALLS "THE BEAN-BELLY SYNDROME", FEARING THAT THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE SEEKING TO AVOID THE BAN BY SNEAKING BEANS ACROSS THE BORDER IN BODY CAVITIES.

THOSE IN THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION ARE SAID TO OUTRAGED, AT WHAT THEY ARE CALLING, THE BOGUS FINDINGS BY S.H.I.T., NOTING THAT THE SCIENTIFIC REPORT DID NOT CONFORM WITH THEIR POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AGENDA.  ADDITIONALLY THE PRESIDENT FORMALLY STATED THAT HE WAS TERMINATING ANY FUTURE GRANTS TO S.H.I.T. AND TO ANY OTHER ORGANIZATIONS THAT WOULD DARE ISSUE CONCLUSIONS THAT RUN CONTRARY TO SET PROGRESSIVE POLICIES.

TO BUTTRESS THEIR CLAIM THAT BEAN-PRODUCING FLAGELLANTS ARE POLLUTING THE ATMOSPHERE AT AN ALARMING RATE THE SCIENTIST OF S.H.I.T. POINT TO MEXICO CITY AND LOS ANGELES AND THE AIR QUALITY IN THOSE TWO CITIES.  THE TWO CITES THAT HAVE THE LARGEST BEAN-EATING POPULATIONS IN THE WORLD.    

MEXICAN MODEL JOHANNA SANTOS

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