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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Amazing Tails of the Chastity Belt

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key as I'm sure she will have needs." 

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key."
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King Arthur was getting ready to go on a quest, but was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all the Horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin the Magician for advice. After explaining his problem to Merlin, the Wizard thought about the problem for a while and then told the king to come back in a week and he would have a solution to the problem. The next week the King returned to Merlin returned to see the new invention. A Chastity Belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good," said the King "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect the queen???" "Ah sire, just observe," Said Merlin as he pulled out an old wand that he was going to throw away. Merlin then inserted the wand into the hole in the chastity belt whereupon a guillotine blade came down and cut the wand neatly in two halves. "Merlin you are a genius, now I can leave knowing that my Queen is fully protected." Said the King. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out on his quest. 

Several years later the King returned to Camelot. Immediately, the king assembled all the knights of the Round Table into the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for inspection. Sure enough every knight was either amputated or damaged in some way, all except for Sir Galahad. "Sir Galahad, you are the one and only true knight what is in my power to grant you??? Name it and it is yours." Said the King. But Sir Galahad was speechless. Did you get it? What happen to his tongue? 
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NOT A CHASTITY BELT!  MORE LIKE A WELCOME MAT!
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CANINE CHASTITY BELT
REDNECK CHASTITY DEVICE.
PROVEN TO BE THE WORLD'S MOST EFFECTIVE!
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The Medieval Blacksmith, the richest commoner in the realm.
 Cleaned up on making armor for the Knights 
going off to the Holy Crusades 
and then from their ladies 
for his many house calls while the Knights were away.
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Indispensable tool 
of every horny Medieval Noblewoman.
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"You know just how much I love you my husband.  
So trust me with the key 
while you're away in the Holy Lands!"
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A few Rule 5 "PG" rated links 

Stunning Beauty 

Rule 5: Girl and Horse 

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