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Monday, April 24, 2017

Babes and Jokes

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?" The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who then took Eve by the hand and led her to a nearby bush. 

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you, Lord. That was enjoyable." And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is 'caress'?" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. 

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss!" And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?" 

So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds. And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained as usual, "I have a headache." 

"Perfect", her husband says, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
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DON'T CARE IF I SMEAR THE INK!
DOG BONE HELL!
GIVE ROVER SOMETHING HE WILL REALLY ENJOY!
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A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. 

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Oh, my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." 

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" 

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
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Remember that Day?
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RULE 5's PRIME CUTS
WOULD LIKE TO RIDE ONE OF THESE!
THREE GREAT TOYS FOR GUYS
CAN I BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR?
NOW WOULD YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT CATCHING FISH
WHEN IN THE WILDERNESS WITH THIS BABE?
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