RULE 5 SITES: Jokes, Dirty Ole Men and Blondes

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Jokes, Dirty Ole Men and Blondes

WHO SHOT THE BEAVER

A 90-year old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better… I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?” The doctor replied, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella instead of his gun by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver.? He raised his umbrella and went “bang, bang, bang”, and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that? The 90-year old said, “I’d say somebody else shot the beaver.” The doctor said, “My point exactly.”

SPERM COUNT SAMPLE

The doctor handed his 75-year-old patient a jar and ordered him to bring back a sample so he could do a sperm count. The next day old man returned to the doctor with an empty jar. “What’s this???? the doctor asked. “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand—but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand—still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. First she tried with her right hand—nothing. Then she tried with her left hand—nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out—still nothing. Finally we called the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too—and still nothing.??? The doctor was shocked. “Your neighbor???? “Yep. No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn’t get that damned jar open!???

SITTING ON THE BUS

So I was sitting on the bus and somebody tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.” “Sure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends. “What a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts. A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat. After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts. I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?” “Because we’ve got no teeth”, she replied. “Then why do you buy them?”, I asked. “Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”