The Farmer's Daughter

There was once an old farmer whose only virtue was 3 beautiful daughters. One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. There came a knock at the door, and he answered. 

"Hi!" said the young man standing there. "My name’s Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. we’re going to the show. Is she ready to go?" "Yes, I’ll go and get her" said the farmer. 

About 10 minutes later there’s another knock. "Hi, my name’s Eddy. I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" So the farmer goes and fetches her. 

Another 10 minutes go by, and there’s a 3rd knock. "Hi, my name’s Tucker!" And before he can say another word, the farmer grabs him by the neck, drags him out back, and shoots him.

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A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once.

" A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." 

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. 

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."

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An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. 

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want," The man dated the first daughter. 

The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...but pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. 

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. 

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. 

"Well," explained the farmer, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."

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 A farmer has a rooster that goes around screwing all the animals in the barnyard. The rooster keeps this up for quite a while before the farmer finally pulls him aside and warns him. “Look,” the farmer says, ”you had better take it a little easier or you’re liable to screw yourself to death.” The rooster just laughs at the farmer and goes out and has all the chickens in the chicken coop. He then goes through all the cows, then the pigs, and so on, until he as been with all the animals on the farm. He keeps this up every day for weeks. Then one day the farmer doesn’t see the rooster around the barnyard, so he goes looking for him. Out above one of his fields, the farmer sees some vultures circling around and around. The farmer runs out and sees the rooster lying spread-eagle on the ground. “I knew it!” says the farmer. “I knew this would happen to you! Oh, why didn’t you listen to me when I warned you?” The rooster opens one eye, point upward, and says, “Shhh. They are getting lower.”

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