Sam wakes up at home with a huge hangover. Forcing himself to open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and notices his clothes in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, all spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, "Sweetheart, your breakfast is on the stove. I had to leave early to go shopping. Love you."
So, he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is sitting at the table, eating.
"What happened last night, son?" Sam asks.
His son replies, "Well, you came home after 3:00 AM, very drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Sam asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
"Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Lady, leave me alone. I'm married'," his son replies.
______________________________
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| EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU PICKED UP THE BEST LOOKING BABE IN THE BAR? MORE BELOW.... |
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| BUT WOKE THE NEXT MORNING WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS OLD GAL, WINKING AND ASKING, "YOU KNOW WHAT WE DID LAST NITE STUD"? |
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A: It changes their blood type.
********************
The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning, with beer on your breath, and lipstick on your collar?”
“There is,” he replied. “I’d like some breakfast.”
********************
cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself.
You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!"
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
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