Hung like a horse

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies, "Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a bigger dick and to make it cry tonight I showed it." 

Cowboy and Centaur

A cowboy got thirsty and stopped by a saloon. He tied his horse to a post and went inside. He then ordered a glass of whiskey, soon followed by another. The cowboy stayed for a few hours. When he was about to order another glass, a centaur suddenly busted into the saloon and shouts at the cowboy "You've had enough. Time to go home." The cowboy simply ignored the centaur and ordered another shot. The centaur came closer and said "I'm serious. Finish this one and go home already!" The cowboy turned to him and said "Leave me alone." The centaur got angry and shouted "Dad! Come on, it's time to go!" The cowboy turned to him and said "Okay! Okay! Go untie your mother, I'll be there as soon as I finish this one."

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A man comes home early from work and shouts, "Honey, I'm home!" No reply. So he goes upstairs and calls from the landing, "Honey, I am home," but still no reply. Frustrated, he goes into the bedroom and finds his wife on the bed, stark naked. "Oh Norman, I didn't expect you this early," she says, holding her chest and breathing heavily. He thinks she is having an heart attack and runs downstairs to ring for an ambulance. He starts dialing the emergency number when his young daughter starts pulling at his jacket. "Dad," she says. "Dad," she says again. "What is it? I'm busy," he says. "Uncle Jack is in the wardrobe with no clothes on," she tells him. He drops the phone and runs back to the bedroom. "You bastard, you f**king bastard," he shouts angrily at Norman. "You bastard! My wife is having a heart attack and you are going around scaring the kids!" 

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It's Heinie Time