California to outlaw Plastic Straws, but have not yet mandated Wooden Dildos

I'm old enough to remember the day when Paper Bags were condemned by those on the left as a 'real and present danger' to the forest of America.  At that time our astute neighbor to the south, Mexico was using those glorious plastic bags at the markets and tourist shops.  The Mexican Government was seen as the champion of the Green Movement.  Tree-hugging progressives had found a new enemy and began their attacks on paper-make objects across the nation leading to the virtual extinction of the environmentally unfriendly paper grocery bag.  But then slowly many in the liberal community began to see a new enemy in the rapidly emerging 'plastic bag' and the attack against items made of that planet destroying substance (plastic) swung into full force.  Now even the much beloved Plastic Straw is under attack by progressives in the legislature of the Golden State. 

California Considering $1,000 fine for waiters offering customers unsolicited Plastic Straws

Of course, as you may expect, no new laws against any forms of plastic used in butt enhancement, lip enhancement, or breast implants will be introduced by the legislature.  Additionally  there will be absolutely no consideration of making wooden dildos mandatory due to the inability of scientist at USC to solve the splinter issue.   Finally, it should be noted that the absolute geniuses sitting in the Generally Assembly in Sacramento will continue their work to make the lives of their citizens utterly miserable.