The unintended consequences of a One-Night-Stand

A happily married man, Irving Topper, found himself driving through a badly paved country road in upstate Rhinebeck, New York. A sudden flat tire sent the car wobbling to a standstill. The lights in a nearby health manor invited Topper to rap on the door. An attractive lady opened the door and asked what she could do for him. He told her his problem and wondered if he could seek the shelter of her house until dawn, when he would repair the flat. 

The lady agreed and invited him into her parlor. One word led to another; one drink let to another; one touch led to another. Irving Topper was soon divested of his clothes and snuggling in the lady's bed with an equally naked lady. In the morning Topper thanked her for her hospitality, told her his name was Herman Thompson, changed his tire, and drove off. 

About six months later, Topper received a call from his friend Herman Thompson. "Hey," said Thompson, "did you ever give my name to a lady in Rhinebeck, New York?" "Well, yes" answered Topper. "You know I am a married man, and I have a lovely wife and child. I gave her your name because you're a bachelor, and I didn't want any complications. I hope I didn't get you into any trouble." "No, no, on the contrary," replied his friend. "Her lawyer called me to inform me that I had inherited the manor and the lady's entire estate!"

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One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation. The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar. 

The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in a salad. 

The Penis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room, and force me to do push-ups until I puke and pass out!

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard. 

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. 

Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. 

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.

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Links of the day below

Babe and Gun

10 Stunning IDF Beauties